This post has nothing to do with technology and everything to do with human nature. Specifically, how two people can view one person through very different lenses . This post is the result of a 2 hour conversation I had with a man I had never met before at a coffee shop on Sunday. It's now Tuesday and I can't stop thinking about this conversation, so I share it with you because it's my blog..........and I can :)
I had just packed up my things and asked this gentleman, John, if I could "steal" my laptop cable from under his table (where I had plugged it in before he sat down). He laughed at the concept of stealing one's own things...which brought up a short story called "Time Considered as a Helix of Semi-Precious Stones". Apart from having one of the greatest titles ever, it's a great story....work the google on your internet machine and find it :)
As most interesting conversations go, we went off on many tangents. We somehow came to the topic of hate. John began to speak of "the most hateful person in the world", Charles Howard. I immediately told him that not only did I know Charles, but that I used to play chess with him every Sunday morning at the coffee shop.
He looked stunned and asked the question..."but how could you stand him?" I begain to explain, and I'll share this with you too.
Charles Howard was a lawyer and well known member of the community. Not for his good deeds, but for the very unpopular opinions he held and shared with anyone in earshot (whether they liked it or not). He was the guy who wrote letters to the editor on a weekly basis that made us cringe. Many of the topics centered around beliefs that were inflammatory and offensive. In short, Charles was universally despised in the city where we live. Shunned even.
I was vaguely aware of this when I met Charles but never cared to explore it further. I figured he was a far removed figure in my life and I needn't bother because I try to keep myself as far away from hate as I can. So the morning Charles approached me at our regular coffee shop and asked me if I'd like to play chess I hesitated. I said "Well, maybe but I must warn you I'm not good at it and have forgotten most of what I ever knew about the game". But because I advocate tolerance, I decided that no harm could come from a game of chess.
One game turned into a chess relationship that lasted for many months. So long as our common ground was chess and our conversation singularly focused on this topic, I found Charles to be kind, patient, intelligent, and even pleasant. He embraced the role of teacher. He brought me books. He waited patiently for me to make my move, and then explained to me in no less than 10 moves ahead the flaws in my strategy and how my opponent was likely to respond to the moves I would make. He never let me win, but he showed me how to think strategically and many steps ahead. This is an invaluable skill and I gained so much from his teachings.
When he would say something that was even mildly offensive I would stop him immediately and simply say "Charles, I don't like that you just said that to me." And he would stop. I was fascinated by the fact that he looked like a scolded child...truly surprised that what he said had offended and bothered me...and seemingly, truly sorry.
When I finished this story on Sunday, my new friend John made the comment that "if anyone had told me I'd hear a story about Charles Howard that would change my perception of him even a little, I never would have believed it." He then shared with me that Charles had died several months ago and that the lack of mourners at his funeral was the subject of much gossip and ridicule in our community.
Though I can't universally categorize Charles as a "good man", this made me sad.
I had not seen Charles for many months because my schedule just didn't allow for so many regular Sunday morning chess games anymore. But if I had known of his passing I would have attended his funeral because through my lens....Charles had something valuable to share, and something that made me happy and meant a lot to me.
John and I sat in silence for a moment thinking about Charles - who never married or raised a family; and had only a handful of people who missed him.
I began to wonder whether his unpopular opinions and beliefs led to his isolation OR was this a shield of armour he crafted for himself as a plausible explanation for his very lonely existence. Perhaps he was a person who just had no idea how to relate to other people. I'll never know the answer, but it gives me pause.
I also think about how different Charles was from me. He spewed hate and I believe in compassion and tolerance. But meeting in our world of chess and leaving everything else out...we managed to gain something from one another. At least I really hope he gained something from our time spent together. I would like to think so.
Do we have a responsibility as human beings to look at each other through different lenses? Charles wasn't a murderer, a criminal, or a malicious person who intended harm to me - ever. I saw him as a lonely old man who had nobody and for whom I could set aside my differences and find a place to co-exist peacefully.
I don't know that I have a point that I can articulate here...I just really wanted to say Rest in Peace Charles. And thank you.....for teaching me about strategy, and for reminding me what human frailty and compassion are.
By the way if you want to play chess, I need a new partner...but look out because Charles taught me well. :)
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